Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) is a popular theory used in coaching. It focuses on how people perceive and make meaning of their world and works with perceptions to help people understand and make changes to the way they perceive their world.

Here we will focus on how we process information to create such perceptions. James & Woodsmall (1988) proposed the following:

“After the external event comes in through our sensory input channels, and before we make an Internal Representation (IR) of the event, we filter the event. We run that event through our internal processing filters. Our internal processing filters are how we delete, distort and generalize the information that comes in through our five senses.”

Deletion involves the process of selectively paying attention to specific aspects of an experience (James & Woodsmall, 1988). Through deletion we fail to notice particular sensory information.

For example, Ben’s sister is picking him up from a concert. He is looking out intently for her car which he knows is a bright red hatchback. Because he is so focused on seeing a small red car, he fails to hear his sister calling him from a blue sedan (which she had borrowed from a friend).

As you can see from the example, Ben is so focused on the visual aspect of his experience (see a red car) that he fails to notice (or deletes) the auditory aspect of his experience (his sister calling him).

Distortion occurs when we misrepresent the sensory data received. For example, Juanita thought she heard rain falling. She ran out to take her washing off the line only to discover that it wasn’t rain at all - it was the sound of the neighbour’s air conditioning starting up. This is an example of auditory distortion where Juanita thought she heard one thing when in fact it was something completely different. 

Generalisation is the process of making a judgement based on a limited number of experiences and attributing that judgement to a broad array of experiences (James & Woodsmall, 1988).

For example, Tyson and Nicky are looking to rent a new home. They visit their local real estate agent. Tyson feels as though this particular agent is only interested in working with people who are seeking to purchase a home, rather than rent one.

Nicky later overhears Tyson say to a friend, “real estate agents are all the same. They only want your business if you’re buying!” As you can see from this example, Tyson has had one experience with one real estate agent and generalises this to all real estate agents.

Filters

Filtering of the information occurs before an internal representation of an event is made. James & Woodsmall (1988) list six examples of filters we use to delete, distort and generalise information.

Metaprograms are one type of filter and they are styles of thinking (or mental programs) that operate like filters across many contexts of an individual’s life. For example, the metaprogram General vs. Specific characterises whether a person processes information by focusing on the details or on the broader picture.

Other metaprograms include: Frame of Reference (external vs. internal, or in other words, whether you assess your performance based on your own internal standards or through the feedback you receive from others) and Option vs. Procedures (also described as whether you like to look for new ways of doing things or prefer to stick with established procedures).

Sub Modalities

Sub modalities are the descriptive qualities that are directly linked to a sensory channel. For example - linked to the visual sensory channel are the sub modalities of colour, size, shape and distance.

This means that when I look at something I can assess it based on these features. Alternatively, when I hear something, I can assess its volume and tone. Therefore, volume and tone are examples of sub modalities of the auditory channel.

© Counselling Academy

Want to learn more about NLP? Then click here to register for the NLP course at Counselling Academy.

References

• James, T., & Woodsmall, W. (1988). Time Line Therapy and the Basis of Personality. Capitola: Meta Publications.

If you are looking into establishing a new business, or reviewing your current one, then consider how you can create productive points of view to augment its growth.

Your ‘point of view’ includes the attitudes, opinions and basic approaches you take in managing yourself and your business. These points of view are a series of productive perspectives about yourself, your business, your customers and your employees.

About Yourself

• Be proactive - don’t wait for problems or circumstances to arise. The future is all about change and you are leading that change. Keep your eyes open, plan for what you can expect and take corrective action when things don’t go as planned. Problems really are opportunities in disguise - or in Thomas Edison’s words, “opportunity is missed by most people because it comes dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
• Break out of your comfort zone - the only way to change for the better. The unknown is seldom as threatening as it seems. Once you take that step into the unknown, the future, you can enjoy the rewards.
• Mistakes are part of learning - you learn by trial and error.
• You can only fail 2 ways - by not trying or by believing you’ve failed - learn from your mistakes and next time, do better!
• Every frustration is the result of the lack of a system - a system is the way you do something time and again. The way to improve the outcome is to improve the system. Changing the system can eliminate the frustration.

About Your Business

• Your business is a reflection of yourself - be focused, organised and conduct yourself with forethought.
• Reaching your objectives requires strategic work - this means working on, not in, your business. You must be involved in the strategic work of organising, planning, developing and operating your business in order to move consistently towards your goals. You must continually analyse how it is all done, and develop systems to produce the predictable results you want.
• Systems should be as simple as possible - even complex things can be broken down into simple steps.

About Your Employees

• Orchestrated patterns are natural for people - it’s natural to strive for constancy and predictability in our lives. We need a solid foundation to stand on and then we’re willing to take chances, be creative, and act with energy and enthusiasm.
• Take a fresh look at your employees - people perform up to or down to the expectations of those opinions they value. It’s better to give assignments that enable people to stretch and to offer your encouragement and belief in their ability to excel. Almost without exception, people become better, more productive and more creative as you present a positive role model and show consistent, sincere belief in them. Do the same for yourself too.
• You can, and should, delegate - with systems to guide them, you’ll find your employees are more capable than you expected them to be.
• Involve your employees - help them to grow, reduce their resistance to change, and make your business development work easier.  Involving people lets them know they are valued. Your employees will, with your support, turn their creative energies to building your company.

About Your Customers

• Unconscious needs and emotions drive customer choices - convenience, looking good, feeling good, a problem solved. Touch an emotion or need.
• Complaints are opportunities - when customers complain, they are telling you what they want. Listen to them, understand their position. Look for the opportunity to make your business better and retain them as loyal customers.
• Value and service are more important than price alone - people tend to seek value for money rather than mere ‘bargains’. When you emphasize good service and improved products you differentiate your business from your competition in a positive way. If your perceived value is truly better, your customers will be happy and they won’t balk at your moderately higher prices.

Despite the fact that the field of life coaching has experienced enormous growth in the past decade, many people are still toeing with the idea of a Life Coach. Many are now aware of the positive outcomes of coaching, but when it comes to the process; it’s a different story.

Thus, as a Life Coach, you need to develop a concise 30-second message that will tell your prospects (1) what you do for a living and (2) what is it that you do. To assist you, this article will attempt to answer the big question:

What is Coaching?

Coaching (or life coaching as it is sometimes referred) is a general term for working with an individual (or company in some cases) to improve and enhance aspects of an area which, for the client, they may need or want to change (Grant & Greene, 2004).

Zeus and Skiffington (2000) have identified the coaching relationship to be one that focuses on change and transformation. The coaching relationship is:

• Essentially a conversation
• About learning
• More about asking the right questions than providing answers

Another way to look at coaching is that it helps maximise an individual’s performance (Gallway, as cited in Whitmore, 1996).

Grant and Greene (2004) have identified the origins of coaching to have started in the 1960’s when the business world used techniques from the discipline of sports coaching. Such techniques, for example utilising pressure and stress and setting performance targets were used in staff training and development.

Coaching has also incorporated techniques from a number of other disciplines such as human resources, mentoring, counselling, training, and consulting which have helped make it the discipline it is today (Grant & Greene, 2004; Skiffington & Zeus, 2005).

Coaching focuses on the different areas of an individual’s life. Grant and Greene (2004) have identified seven main themes in life coaching. The themes are:

1. Clarify what the individual wants from life
2. Set effective goals
3. Monitor progress on the journey of change
4. Stay focused and challenged
5. Stick to commitments
6. Continually reassess and re-examine ideas, plans and strategies
7. Identify values

General Roles of a Life Coach

The coaching relationship (or coach-coachee relationship) plays a large role in determining the success of the coaching process. It is thus crucial in the initial stages of coaching that the coach joins with the coachee to establish a relationship based on mutual trust and rapport.

For trust to develop, coachees must feel safe and comfortable with the coach. Coachees must sense that the coach is being genuine in his/her dealing with them, that he/she is competent and able to assist them in achieving their aims.
 
There are many roles that a coach performs. These roles include:

• Increasing the individual’s self-awareness.
• Modelling desired behaviours.
• Getting to the core of the issue.
• Giving instructions.
• Targeting behaviours to be changed.
• Giving feedback.
• Insuring practice rehearsal.
• Keeping the coachee focused and on track.

These roles are generic across coaching situations and can occur throughout the coaching relationship in no particular order.

Coaching and Counselling

The following reading provides an understanding of the differences between these professions:

“Before suggesting some differences between counselling or psychotherapy and life coaching, I stress that there are many similarities. Both counselling and life coaching aim to help clients lead fulfilling lives. In addition, they leave the client with the right to choose what sort of life to lead. Some counselling approaches, in particular the cognitive and cognitive-behavioural approaches, contain a large coaching element within them.

Though they do not emphasize the word skills, approaches like rational emotive behaviour therapy and cognitive therapy aim to teach and coach clients in key mind skills and, to a lesser extent, in communication skills so that they can deal better with the problems for which they came to counselling. Life coaches can gain much from being familiar with theories of counselling and therapy”. (Corsini and Wedding, 2005; Nelson-Jones, 2006a)

“Now let’s look at some ways that life coaching differs from conventional counselling and therapy. The goals of life coaching are both positive and stated in the positive. There is an assumption of seeking mental wellness rather than overcoming mental illness. Though an exaggeration, there is some truth in Peltier’s comment: ‘High performance athletes are coached; sick, weak or crazy people get therapy’ Peltier, 2001: xix).

Life coaching is not geared towards those whose problems are best described by the latest version of the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. Such people require psychotherapy. Coaching clients are not worked within psychiatric hospitals. Often very competent people seek life coaching; they want to be even more effective in leading their lives.

“Normal” people also seek life coaching to maximize aspects of their potential and get more out of life. Life coaching does this by bringing psychological knowledge to address everyday issues and problems such as relationships, health, career, finances and spiritual concerns, among others.

Though there is some overlap, the clients for life coaching differ from those for counselling and therapy. Clients come for counselling very often because they are suffering and in psychological pain. They want to feel, think and act at a level that they regard as normal for the society of which they are a part. At the very least, they want to stop continually feeling very low.

Approximately 10 per cent of the population will need counselling at some stage of their lives. However, even normal people can feel unfulfilled. Clients seek coaching to gain ways of or skills for becoming even more successful and happier than they already are. Rather than being motivated by pain, they are motivated by gain. 

Their problems are often more to do with achieving their positive potential than dealing with negative issues. They may realise that, during their upbringing, they were not systematically trained in many of the skills for leading a successful life. In addition, they may want coaching to face new challenges in their lives.

There is a vast potential market for life coaching in the 90 per cent or so of people who do not need counselling. In addition, many who have been counselled may not need counselling. Also, many who have been counselled may later want life coaching to become even happier and more skilled at living.

There are many broader reasons why there is a need for disciplined life coaching. With the increase in economic affluence in the Western world, there does not appear to have been a corresponding increase in overall happiness. For example, the divorce rate in countries like Britain, Australia and the USA is about 50 per cent of first marriages, with many also failing at subsequent marriages.

In addition, the increased mobility and time spent at work by both sexes has contributed to a breakdown in traditional support systems, such as the extended family and local church. People are bombarded every day by information that often causes them to question how they are living.

Arguably, this is a more challenging time in which to live. Not only are the former sources of support in decline, but there is a whole new range of problems with the rapid increase in changes brought about by technological invention.

Alongside the difference of life coaching goals to those of counselling and therapy, the ways of attaining them also differ. With its main emphasis on working with non-disturbed people, life coaching is less likely to be conducted with a psychodynamic approach. Mutual goals are established quite quickly in life coaching. If anything, life coaching directly encourages and trains clients in how to deal with and improve their present and their futures, rather than to understand their past.”

Source: Nelson-Jones, R. (2007). Life coaching skills: How to develop skilled clients (pp. 6-9). London: SAGE Publications, Inc.

Modes of Life Coaching

Technology is constantly evolving and new ways to communicate with people are continually being developed. This being said, technology can influence the way a Life Coach manages and expands his/her business.

When working with different coachees, one may find that some coachees are extremely busy people that don’t always have time to have a face-to-face meeting but who still want to work on their life and career goals. There are other coachees who may travel a lot and a face-to-face meeting is not always possible.

Email, telephone and video conferencing have expanded the ways in which coaching can occur. However, certain communication types suit different situations and a certain amount of creativity is required to facilitate the coaching relationship. There are four modes of how coaching can be conducted:

1. Face-to-face coaching
2. Telephone coaching 
3. Email coaching
4. Video coaching

Timeframes for Sessions

There is no set time frame for how long a coaching relationship should last. It is very much dependent on the situation and how much work is required of both the coach and the coachee. Therefore, the coaching relationship could last from one session for one hour to longer sessions, and the coaching relationship could even last years.
 
Skiffington and Zeus (2003) have identified that for management or executive development coaching, the relationship can last up to five years. It has also been identified that for coaching to enhance performance in an organisation the timeframe is usually from three to six months.

For team coaching in an organisation the sessions are also generally three to six months however, the program can run multiple times a week. Business coaching can run from six to twelve months, and in personal/life coaching there are many different issues that come up during coaching and therefore no timeframe has been identified.
 
Overall, there is no set guideline for the length of the coaching relationship nor is there a layout to how many sessions a week should occur. It would be up to both the coach to make a professional judgement as to how long they work with the coachee and also, the coachee who may feel he or she has taken all they can from a coach. It is important to keep an open, honest dialogue between the coach and coachee.

Why Become a Life Coach?

There are a number of reasons why people want to become life coaches. Coaching is among the fastest growing fields at present and there are opportunities in different areas to work as a coach. It is also a discipline in which professionals could achieve career goals by working for an organisation or for oneself.

It can also be an opportunity to utilise knowledge gained through other experiences to help others. Overall, coaching can be a rewarding and fulfilling career.

Want to become a Life Coach? Then visit www.lcia.com.au/lz.

References

1. Corsini, R.J., & Wedding, D. (eds) (2005) Current Psychotherapies (7th ed). Belmont, CA: Thomson Brooks/Cole.
2. Grant, A., & Greene, J. (2004). It’s your life: What are you going to do with it. (2nd ed.). London: Pearson Education.
3. Nelson-Jones, R. (2007). Life coaching skills: How to develop skilled clients. London: SAGE.
4. Skiffington, S., & Zeus, P. (2003). Behavioural coaching: How to build sustainable personal and organisational strength. Sydney: McGraw-Hill.
5. Zeus, P. & Skiffington, S. (2000). The complete guide to coaching at work. Sydney: McGraw-Hill.

By Emmanuel Tsesmelis 

If you are living a life where you are not fulfilled, where you haven’t achieved the success you desire and your life just seems to be more difficult than it should be, read on and discover the secrets I found out when I interviewed some of Australia’s most successful self-made millionaires.

For years I had noticed that the most successful people in the world have something ’special’; they seem to have an ‘edge’. What was it that they knew, what was it that they had that seemed to lead them to create a life of wealth, success and happiness - a life so many of us dream of.

The curiosity of what they had, what they knew, got the better of me and I became driven to speak with and interview these ’successful’ people to discover the secrets to their success.

As I interviewed the owners of Boost Juice (Janine Allis), Fernwood Women’s Health Club (Diana Williams), La Porchetta (Rocco Pantaleo), kikki.K (Kristina Karlsson) and so many others, a common theme began to appear, their secrets were revealed.

They had all gone through 5 key areas to achieve their incredible wealth, a life with passion and the life they have always dreamed of.

I think we all know that we have been put on this planet to live our dreams and to touch other people in a positive way. You know, to truly leave the world a better place, yet so many of us are living a far more desperate life than that, a life that just isn’t true for us.

Well let me tell you that these self-made millionaires discovered the secret to making their dreams a reality and that’s what I am about to share with you. These are the 5 Key steps all the self-made millionaires have followed:

Discover It - They have all discovered what they are passionate about and have gone on to find a way to use and express that passion to contribute to other people’s lives.

So, have you asked yourself what you would truly love to do, what you are passionate about? We all have a unique way we can touch the world and your way is inside you right now!

When you work with your passion, it never seems to be work. You love everything about it and you want to spread it to the rest of the world. I believe that that’s why we are here and the self-made millionaires have discovered this secret. They know what they love to do and by developing a commercial way to pass that on to others, they have all become multimillionaires.

And this is a big key; not one of them focused on what’s in it for them. Their main focus was on what they provide to others, how they contribute to their customer’s lives through their passion. So I ask you; what have you got within that you would like to share with others?

Believe It - They have truly connected and bonded with their passion and their dreams. They have fused with it, become one with it and totally believe in it. From that place, they have the courage to express to the whole world who they are and what they stand for with no shame, embarrassment or guilt but rather with total pride, commitment and drive. With this driving force they never take no for an answer and continually strive forward in making their dreams even bigger.

This is such an awesome quality they all possess. They know what they stand for and they are proud to express it to anyone and everyone. Of course this allows them to effortlessly flow in life which in turn leads to their incredible success.

Try it and see what happens. People, new people and opportunities will be drawn to you because now you finally have an image, you are someone, someone that stands for what they believe in and who they truly are.

Overcome It - I know we see these people as fearless, as totally comfortable being leaders but I can tell you after interviewing them that they are exactly like you and I. They feel fear, they have self doubt but what they don’t do is allow their fear to stop them living the life they dream of. They all have come up with ways to overcome their fears or at least a strategy to overcome the damage their fears could cause in their lives.

We all know that the only thing that stops anyone from following their dreams is FEAR. How sad, that we let this emotion control so many of our actions. If you give in to your fears you will notice that life is quite monotonous, uninspiring and without real success. Come up with your own strategy to overcome fear and use it, use it, use it.

The more practice you get overcoming your fear, the easier it becomes to take the actions you need to take to live the life you dream of!

Change It - We all have deep limiting, negative, dream destroying beliefs within us. Yes, even these self-made millionaires. But again, the difference with these people is that firstly, they have identified those thoughts, those beliefs and then have chosen to believe new empowering beliefs that serve, nurture and challenge them to achieve their dreams.

Growing up we all create limiting dream-destroying beliefs. Have a little think about where you hold yourself back and notice what you are saying to yourself at that time. I bet you it is not positive, or even the truth. So why don’t you change these dream destroying beliefs; look inside and see the truth, see your truth.

Start believing what is really within you and not the rubbish you picked up growing up. As an adult now, you can choose to believe whatever you want. Might as well create beliefs that will support you in making your dreams a reality, don’t you think?

Live It - It doesn’t matter how much you know, if you don’t put it into action your life won’t change. The results you want to show up in your life will never appear.

These self-made millionaires do not over think things. They listen to their gut, to their intuition and go, go, go. That is one of the biggest keys to their success. You will never ever get everything right but if you get it going you will always work a way through to achieving your goal.

The key in taking action is to start realising that your comfort zone is the dead zone. Nothing new happens there, no new experiences, no growth and no opportunities. If you truly want to live the life you dream of, you must keep growing your comfort zone. All the self-made millionaires get out of their comfort zone as soon as they feel comfortable. They truly see it as the ‘Dead Zone’.

So there you have it. The five Keys to living with passion and making your dreams come true. Spend some time going through these key steps to get your own answers and then take action, single small steps to creating the life you deserve, the life you dream of! The reality is, that when you live with passion you enjoy the journey so much that success is inevitable. Now, go for it!

About the Author

Emmanuel Tsesmelis is Australia’s Number 1 Passion Coach who believes that inside every single one of us live passions, natural talents and unique gifts that, if tapped into, compel us to create the life we have dreamed of.

Emmanuel’s Website: www.mypassioncoach.com
Hear Emmanuel Tsesmelis @ Coach Radio!

“The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.” Thomas Carlyle

What factors are holding you back, slowing you down or preventing you from achieving your goals? Almost all progress toward a goal or series of goals comes up against a limiting factor of some kind.

It is crucial to identify these limits or obstacles in order to eliminate them. Progress at the pace you’d like and in the direction of your goals requires the systematic removal of obstacles that undermine advancement.

Identifying the true obstacle to progress takes honest reflection and analysis. Obstacles may be entrenched within organisational structures or culture. Conversely, obstacles may be embedded in our own mind, in the beliefs that you hold and the behaviours that you routinely perform.

By reflecting honestly on the obstacles within your own mind, you become better equipped to focus your energies on removing or eliminating the most appropriate obstacle. This of course is preferable to spending valuable time removing external obstacles that are inconsequential to your progress. 

Personal obstacles consist of any belief, thought or action that may sabotage your progression towards your goals. They may include:

The attitudes you hold about change and progress - Do you think change is a process that is controlled by you or controlled by something external, such as luck or destiny? This is the concept of locus of control.

Locus of control refers to the extent to which a person believes they are in control of their destiny. An individual with an external locus of control attributes change largely to forces outside of themselves such as fate, good fortune or bad luck.

Conversely, those individuals with an internal locus of control are more likely to see change as a function of their own doing. Individuals with an internal locus of control tend to be more comfortable with change and consequently make smoother, more efficient progress.

Self-limiting thoughts - Self-limiting thoughts are ingrained processes of thought that impact on the way in which we appraise, interpret or analyse a given situation or event. Self-limiting thoughts can take many forms, such as:

• Black and white thinking - The tendency to interpret events in extremes (no shades of grey). This means that anything less than perfect is interpreted negatively and limits our ability to see the positives.
• Unrealistic expectations - The tendency to pre-empt an event with unrealistic ideas of what should occur. This is a clear sign of setting yourself up for failure.
• Selective thinking - This is the tendency to hone in on the negative aspects of a situation and ignore any of the positives, leading to an unbalanced perspective.
• Catastrophizing - Imagining the worst possible outcome. This can discourage action and stall change.

Lack of assertiveness - Assertiveness is the ability to communicate self-assurance to those around you. It involves being direct and clear about what you want without aggression or hostility. An individual lacking assertiveness may miss opportunities and may be taken advantage of by others.

A lack of assertiveness can interfere with the achievement of your goals. If you suspect a lack of assertiveness may be an obstacle to you, it may be useful to focus on assertiveness training and communication techniques to assist you in eliminating this obstacle.

Vague time management - Vague or unfocused time management can impact greatly on the achievement of tasks and can ultimately impact on the quality of your performance. If you find that time slips away from you and meeting deadlines is difficult, you may benefit from focusing on your time-management skills.

It is possible, however to have well-developed time-management skills, but find difficulty prioritising tasks. Sometimes guilt and expectations can distract us from concentrating on our self-focused goals. If this rings true for you, it may be helpful to review the section on self-limiting beliefs.